Sunday, May 11, 2014

Who's Mother's Day is it anyway?

Mother's Day is a sort of conundrum.  Firstly it is a day to celebrate your Mom and all she is and does.  As you grow up this is expressed in different ways.  Some times with cute little gifts you made in school and some times with pre-pubescent angst and reserve. Yet you know deep in your heart there is no one like your Mom.  

Being a mom or dad means at any one time your internal monologue just might go in this spiral: 

"There are too many unmatched socks.  Where do they come from?  That is it!  The boys can only have one type of socks.  Everyone is only allowed one type! They are all going to have to choose.  What about silly sock day?  Crap.  They can wear each other's socks on Silly Sock Day.  No, that will not do.  Wow... next year Jordan will be in middle school and Joel will still be in elementary... Jordan will have a whole new round of activities to do.  We are going to be so busy.  It will be that way till they are through high school.  Oh my... then Jordan will be in university....  puu puu puu... God willing and the crick don't rise...."

I mean at any time.   This means you are always aware of some other persons needs and wants beyond a partnership to the point of codependency.  You are guiding, fulfilling, teaching, recommending strongly, suggesting, enforcing, providing, mentoring, and down right putting your foot down until you are blue.  You are shopping, procuring, paying for, driving, enrolling, supporting, clearing, washing, and cooking until you are exhausted.    Yet, you are also hugging, snuggling, watching with pride, giggling, feeling, and always loving and being loved.  

As a child you look to your mom on Mother's Day and know this day is all about her.  It is for her to relax and feel the love returned by her family.   Then the strangest thing happens... you have your own family.  Then what?  Who's day is it?  Is it about my Mom or is it about me....  Families all over the Mother's Day celebrating societies are all dealing with this very question and reacting in different ways.   

In my family my Husband is a 'Rock Star' on Mother's Day.  He takes care of all the stuff that needs to be done and clears the way for me to chill and just do what I like.  This year I started with flowers a new case for my iPad mini, and little hand made stuff from the boys.  Then I went to Hot Yoga where I thought about what this day means to me and my kids.  Got home and my husband greeted me with lunch ready to go.   

Later this afternoon the boys and I will go to a Rock and Lapidary Show while my husband gets a short bike ride. He is over 60 days in a row and working to keep the streak alive. As a family we will certainly take Teddy out for a nice walk and will have dinner at a favorite Chinese restaurant.    All is grand for me. 

Yet I live 910 miles from my Mom.  My Mom celebrated Mother's Day on Friday evening with the rest of the family.  My sister and her wife are up north trying to enjoy their Mother's Day in a family unit where there is two Mom's and thus it is even harder to pamper the other on this day.  

I can't be with my mom today which brings me some guilt and sadness.  Sadness because I miss her and wish to honor her.  Guilt because I get my day, uninterrupted and fully to myself.   I don't have to share.  My kids and husbands efforts and attentions are all mine.  

So to honor my Mom I dedicate this post and share these photos.  I say Thank You Lily Flacks for showing me so much love, adventure and beauty in the world. Thank you for always being there... and I mean always.  Thanks for never giving up on any of my dreams until I was ready to move on to something else, and then letting me move forward.  Thanks for being the best Safta my kids could ever have and for sending that same love and energy to my children as you have always done for me.  Know you are loved, appreciated and honored. 

Love the Missouri Clan.  

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Liberation... are we ready?

Are you ready?  If offered the chance for liberation would you take it, or would you pass it up because you were not ready for freedom.   Are you ready to grab it and be a leader.    This is the question I pose to you all in reading this.  I am proposing a problem, a solution and an opportunity.

Bathrooms can be disgusting, non existing, or just inconvenient. Think music festival or hiking through the woods, or gas station bathroom.   You get to the toilet and it is somewhere in the spectrum of horrific, rank to questionable.  Your options are... hold it till you explode causing bodily harm or try to hover over the mess hoping that your leg muscles are strong enough. Maybe you are short like and me and you wish that your legs would grow a few inch's so hovering was even an option.  You might actually have to fully sit on it and think happy thoughts diverting your mind from reality.  Yet you rise from the seat feeling slightly violated. 

What if, there was a little item that you could use, disposable or not, that would allow you to pee standing up.  No need to squat, or hover. In fact you could belly up to a tree like many men do, not risking embarrassment or censure. You would not show your body, or pee on your leg or skirt or pants.  

There are various products on the market ranging from funnel like items to ones with more of a trough.  There are disposable products, silicone and hard plastic models.  Some require you to take off more clothing and some just slip into your pants letting you pee with just unzipping of a fly.  

Stand to Pee.  Do you want to stand to pee?  Maybe your immediate reaction is no way people will think I am a dude.  What if you were not the only lady doing this.  What if you were inside the Port - o - Potty and no one saw you stand to pee.  Would you do it then?  

In order to bring on this liberation we need to cultivate it in the minds of the woman.  Liberation needs to be accepted to be real.  You can't offer someone something they are not ready for and be offended by their rejection.   How do we liberate women's minds to accept this freedom.  Are we ready to join men at the tree...?  Or do you need to slog through the muck for another generation or two? Who's with me?