Yin and Yang on the road trip.

Some times in life you do things because you know it is the right thing to do however you question your sanity while you do it.   This is how I feel on the eve or the trip to Canada with the two boys.   I am doing this trip solo as my husband must work.  So why the apprehensive.  I know my limits and if I can not drive more we will stop.  I have audiobooks downloaded.  The boys have multiple electronic devises to keep them busy.   Yet the first step seems huge like repelling down a cliff.

I have to admit that some of this is housed in my own patterns of what men and women do.  It is from my relationships as well as the ones I saw during the formative years.  When I was young my parents would drive us across country in a station wagon pulling a trailer.  The Grizwalds would have been proud.  My father did the lions share of the driving with my mother taking on, white knuckled shifts, drinking coffee and eating chocolate.

My husband likes to do the majority of the driving on trips, making a point of it as he feels more comfortable in the drivers seat.  He can drive huge lengths with energy drinks and podcasts on his Ipad.  I end up taking on all the needs of everyone in the car such as food, drink, entertainment, DVD changes, etc  etc.   Doing this trip by myself means I do both roles.

Yet in the summer of '90 my friend Naomi and I traveled out to the west costs, down to the south west and back, well sort of back, but that is a story for another post.   We drove in shifts as needed.  Another friend Anna and I drove to Florida and back one summer as well.

I drive in big cities like Toronto with 14 lanes on the 401 coming in and out of the city.  I fear no traffic or map, with a pretty good sense of directions.   Occasionally I make wrong turns but nothing that can't be corrected as needed.   There was one time I ended up going the wrong way on a one way in Downtown Chicago but that place is a zoo.

So why does a trip across country with the boys eat at my confidence.   Driving with distraction is definitly a bit of a full contact sport, boys needing and fighting.  Who invented bunny ears to bug little brothers anyway.

Maybe this is another male female thing in my life.  I can only get the kids to stop fighting to a certain extent.  My husband can dominate them, if needed, and shut down just about any craziness.  That is another role he plays that will be missing on this trip.  Some times you just need good cop and bad cop to get the job done.  Maybe that is the root of the apprehension.  

So in these ways I prefer to be passenger than driver.  I prefer to be nurturer than enforcer.  While these may be where my dominance lie, that does not mean I can not play the other roles and do them well.  I have to remember that and embrace the chances to push those envelopes and balance my yin and yang.

However, Todd, we will miss you and thanks for all you do to balance this family.