Can you say "NO"?

So the new Semester starts in a few days.  My blog is going to take on a new twist and include some subject matter inspired by a classes I am creating and teaching.  One such class is a First Year Experience Class, called Lead Her Ship. This class along with a bunch of other classes in this series have an overarching theme of Society and Self.  This particular section is a Women's Studies class.  The Class will focus on the Women's Professional Journey.  The class is for an all women's college and will be a blast.   My goal is to help these young women, building their tool kits to carry them through their career, acquire some of the knowledge, skills and outlooks that will help them maneuver themselves to their goals what ever they may be.

In this process I guess the Disgruntled Feminist may have some disgruntled thoughts about what holds women back, both within ourselves and from the outside.  I may even get grumpy and ramble on a bit about lack of respect, hurdles and discrimination.  I apologize ahead of time, but welcome to the ride.  Maybe we will all learn a thing or two or become more aware.  We shall have to see.

I may refer to women mostly in my descriptions, but know that I know that many men may also feel these feelings and may be able to grow or learn from the techniques mentioned. Buck up little soldiers... oooohhh that was stereotypically gender discriminatory.  Poor dudes.  

One Topic I am researching, and I have begun to enjoy, is how Women have a really hard time saying "NO".  I can attest to this being true.  I am absolutely terrible at saying no.  When asked to help out with something I mostly say yes. This could be at work, from the synagogue, the kids schools, friends, etc..  I don't like to say no for many reasons.  It makes me feel uncomfortable. I know I will do a great job.  There frequently is no one else to do the task.  I want people to think well of me.   I know if I help others that when I am in need others will help me. On and on and around and around the mulberry bush we go.  So my plate is often over flowing with things to do.  Need something done ask a busy person. 

I am not alone in this.  I know many, many people, and women in majority, that find themselves in this position.  This is not a value judgement, just a fact.  So how do we learn to say "NO".  In the book Womenomics they talk about saying no without guilt.  There it is, the elephant in the room.  GUILT.  I have a hard time saying no without guilt.  I come from a strong Jewish home.  I was raised on the stuff.  I can still hear my Grandmother aka Boobie, saying " I could be dead, three days, no one would know, no one calls, no one stops by, they'll find my body, laying there...." 

So the book says to say it creatively.  "That sounds like a great project, I wish I could help, however my schedule is full right now."  Or "I wish I could help but we have a family policy about eating dinner together on XXX night."  "That sure sounds great, here are my priorities right now, if you want me to take this on, can I get the XXX report to you a week late instead?" 

It also said to say no early.  That gives the person time to find someone else.  I have a tendency to drag it on as I don't want to confront and disappoint.  Then it is too late and I have to do it or mess it up for everyone.   I had not thought of dealing with it early.   I am often busy avoiding the impact and just scheduling it in somewhere there in between sleep and making pickles.  

So can I say no creatively, timely, and with an understanding for which projects are priorities vs extraneous? We will see.  Sorry in advance if I refuse your request.  It might just be me practicing saying no.  I might get good at it.  Will the world stop rotating on it's axes, or will I experience more control over my life and time.  I'll put keep you posted on my task list...