It is time to change my record.

Guilt busting. Saying No.  It all comes down to having the courage to stand your ground.  Where does this courage come from?   Many sources bring about such courage. The one that I have been working with is the internal courage.  Most of us have a recording running in our heads with things or mantras we repeat about yourselves.  Maybe we are not tall enough, cute enough, thin enough, brave enough.  We are often our worst critics.  This message is often subconscious and can be the accumulation of years of baggage, relationships, head trips etc..  This recording is ruthless, strong and well dug in. 

Often when I am on the mat I will be looking at my self in the mirror and the recording will play.  The posses and the yoga clothing are not the most flattering gear for someone of my size and shape.  Maybe they would work under a moo-moo or something but not by themselves. So I end up berating myself subconsciously without even knowing it.   I will be working on a poss and all I may be thinking is belly... belly... bellyyyyyyy.  

So one of the steps in guilt busing is changing the recording in your head.  For the last three yoga classes I have intentionally been working on changing this message one occurrence at a time.   The first class was rather hard.  Not only did I focus on stopping the message, but on re-writing it in a much more favorable direction.   Each time I became aware of the old recording I would give myself props for being there, working hard, listening to my body, and loving myself.  Each time as I would become aware of the message I would purposely assess the situation and give myself credit for being present.  

At the end of the practice I felt like I had done a mental practice as well as a physical one, exhausting and positive.   I was not sure if this was something that would get easier or would be a constant battle.  The next class it came a little easier with less negative messages being produced.  It was a little easier to re-direct. 

Today's class was the third since I started this re-writing of my internal record.  I was much less distracted by the process.  I did not have to think about it and found myself much more proud of me.  The new record of power, strength, accomplishment, and love was playing in the background. I am not saying it was the only record, but it did get some air play.  

This record has been playing for a long long time but as my dad once said "Time is going to pass anyway."  Why not make this time work towards peace of mind, courage and self love.  I hope from this will come an inner core that is strong, brave and powerful.  Join me in this quest next time you are on the mat. 

Namaste... peace out.