For these last four practices I have changed up my process. I made this change, partly because I did not want to look judgmentally at my body while I worked out, and partly because this may be a next step in awareness. Let's just say thanksgiving food frenzy and the busy semester, were not kind to my body. To shake things up, I started placing my yoga mat at the back of the room, where the view of the mirror is blocked with other people. Usually I would have positioned myself in the front room, by the mirrors, in the view of many people.
Instead of looking at my reflection and allowing that to guide the postures, I have been focusing on the internal alignment. I have been feeling the body's position by how it feels inside. I have been feeling the posture and the adjustments through my internal eyes. OK, this may sound a little odd. however that is how I role.
This shift has taken more that just feeling the positions, I have also had to focus my sensory perception to inside the cube that is my yoga mat. I have been purposely closing my eyes more and limiting my feelings to me in the room. I have been actively visualizing the voice of the Yogi as a recording. This has become a time of me alone with no responsibility for anyone else.
If I don't feel the position is working for me I have been adjusting as needed without fear of confusing everyone else. Being at the back of the room, I have not had to guide those behind me or be an example for those needing modified positions.
Ironically, this feeling of inner focus, has freed me from the responsibility to the outer world. Being one of those people that truly feels the energy of those around me, this was a big shift. For me to close off and not be receptive has taken substantial concentration. Yet it has also taken a lot of pressure off.
So today's class was a community class and actually quite full. There were four rows of people and it was the last class of the day. It was hot and humid with all the combined body heat and sweat. Certainly, it was a little bit of a nightmare for those who OCD on body fluids. It was a hard class and a good one.
I managed to keep focus on my cube, my breath, and the balance and alignment in my body. I don't really know if I was doing the positions better. However, I do know that it felt good not judging myself. It felt like I was building my inner strengths and love.
I have found a value to not judging myself through my practice and not putting the pressure of guiding others upon my time. Instead, I can love and breathe and focus. This may just allow me to focus on the joy of the journey instead of the steepness of the climb, and maybe, just maybe allow me to find some inner peace.
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