Day 12: I did another early morning flow class. I needed to be done early to go down to the Planting Festival in Southern Missouri to get garden plants. We all have to have our priorities you know. Non GMO heritage starts are important parts of my summer.
So I felt like I got a lot more out of this flow class. I knew what to expect and when it was going to get real and when it was on the down hill slide. That is a great thing about having a consistent class. You really can pace yourself.
Anyway I wanted to discuss an important issue. Hot Yoga is not for everyone. Every person's Journey is different. I can't tell you the number of times someone said to me..."all you have to do is XYZ". I usually wanted to hit them over the head with a rolling pins at those times. How can anyone truly know what makes me tick or what will work for me. In that light I can't begin to tell you what will work for you. Maybe you are absolutely perfect and healthy and need no improvements or maybe you are feeling as stuck as I have for the last million years. This Journey is personal, and as such is a very dynamic and customized experience.
As I have told people about what is working for me, I have had some people say they could not do this or could not do that. I totally understand. Even when I started Curves I was not ready to journal my intake and when I started Hot Yoga I had no idea where I was headed. I am not in any way telling you to follow my steps. I am only hoping that the things I share will help motivate you in what ever journey you are on.
Day 13: So close to 15 and half way it is odd. I told a friend today that it no longer feels like this 30 days is an insurmountable journey more that it is just the daily work out. I feel strong and feel motivated to keep going. I am sure when I am done 30 I will need and deserve a much appreciated break. I am getting better at some poses. I have started to stray a little from some of the modifications I created to help me be able to do some of the more difficult positions. Lets face facts, I have a long way to go and my body shape, which is rather top heavy, will have a hard time doing some things for a long time.
I had a very strange experience today on the mat. I had heard about yoga breakdowns. I had heard that you can get very emotional out there. Well my grandmother is quite ill and is starting to decline. She is 99 years old. I live 1000 miles away from my family and at times feel very separated emotionally and physically Yet every time I go to visit back home I would visit my grandmother. We have not had the closest of relationships as she was Scotch and rather reserved. My Mothers side is Eastern European and does not even know the word reserved. So the contrast between my grandparents growing up was marked.
Anyway I was on my mat and started to think about my grandmother, my father, and what everyone was about to go through. I started to have some pretty strong emotions and would have broken down in tears if I had let myself. It came up so fast and so strong. Rather odd for someone who prides themselves on control. Yet here I was in a yoga class where you control your movements and breath and my heart was screaming.
I managed to get a hold of myself and shake it off. I could not face losing it in front of the yoga class. Not sure what one does at that point. Anyway during the final resting pose at the end of the class I was laying there and tears were streaming down my cheeks. At least I think it was tears. Could have been sweat mixed with tears. Anyway I allowed myself to feel the release for a couple minutes and I was up and off to my day. I am kind of scared and a little excited to see what will happen tomorrow.
This reminds me of how i was doing prenatal yoga and the instructor said, "Yoga is about unity. You are one with your baby in your body" and for some reason that was the first time that idea really hit me. Tears were streaming down my face. It was a pretty safe space to have a meltdown with a room full of preggies, but it was pretty powerful. Good for you for letting go.
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