Self image is so unbelievably hard to shake. Ever since I could remember I have looked at myself and seen the imperfections as major issues. We all have this image. Not sure if you have seen the Dove Campaign video called dove portraits. It is great and shows how we have this vision of what we look like. If we describe how we look it will be very different from how another person would describe us.
So here I am looking myself in the eye and trying to see the changes. Begging to see the changes in my body. I know I am changing and I sometime see the differences and then I am right back into my self image. It is a hard thing to break. Going through my photo stream on my camera helps on the voyage. I have to remember that I have a long way to go and to just let the river flow.
So one way I can see the difference is in clothing. Trying on my old clothing is great as I see some things starting to fit better and other things no longer as attractive. You know you wear styles to hide areas and when those areas reduce the styles need to change too. Some of my empire waist dresses are not doing me any favors, if you know what I mean.
Every few weeks I go to Kohls and try on clothing. Some times I will buy a piece or two, however just as often I walk out with nothing. I can see how I have changed based on specific sizes that are not stretched out and old. Also I get to try clothing that is in different styles. Some of my old clothing is just out of style, plane and simple, even in Missouri. Sorry folks but true.
I have put so much store in this 30 day challenge thinking of it for about two months before. Now I am battling through at Day 11. I have to admit I have been craving chocolate. Not sure what that is about. But pretty strong cravings. I know this is a long term commitment, 30 days aside.
The class was good. It was dude again. He was good. I tried a few things I had not done before. I really through a lot about my breath. The instructor talked about yoga being the marriage of active and inactive practice. The action of the poses and the rest of the Shavasinnas. The Shavasinna is the dead body pose where you lay flat and absorb the energy, healing, peace etc that are the result of the practice. It is hard to actually relax into this pose.
The pose has you laying on your back with your legs out and the insides of your heals together and your feet rotating out. Your arms are along your body with your palms up and arms rotated. This sounds easy but it actually was impossible for me when I first started. My arms did not rotate that way. I had to push my chest out and my shoulder blades together to get my arms to rotate out. I also had a hard time bringing my thighs together enough to get my heals together. Now I can relax and let my body do this.
Anyway there are shavasinnas throughout the practice you start and end that way and have breaks in that position as well as in child pose. These rests are needed and help you back up and into the positions for the active sections of the practice.
This day I tried to think about the active and inactive poses and honor them allowing my body to get the full benefit of both. If I focus on each day, each breath and not my body image, not how I see my self, not my imperfections, I can enjoy this process and travel this path to where it leads me.
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