Sunday, May 11, 2014

Who's Mother's Day is it anyway?



Mother's Day is a sort of conundrum.  Firstly it is a day to celebrate your Mom and all she is and does.  As you grow up this is expressed in different ways.  Some times with cute little gifts you made in school and some times with pre-pubescent angst and reserve. Yet you know deep in your heart there is no one like your Mom.  


Being a mom or dad means at any one time your internal monologue just might go in this spiral: 

"There are too many unmatched socks.  Where do they come from?  That is it!  The boys can only have one type of socks.  Everyone is only allowed one type! They are all going to have to choose.  What about silly sock day?  Crap.  They can wear each other's socks on Silly Sock Day.  No, that will not do.  Wow... next year Jordan will be in middle school and Joel will still be in elementary... Jordan will have a whole new round of activities to do.  We are going to be so busy.  It will be that way till they are through high school.  Oh my... then Jordan will be in university....  puu puu puu... God willing and the crick don't rise...."

I mean at any time.   This means you are always aware of some other persons needs and wants beyond a partnership to the point of codependency.  You are guiding, fulfilling, teaching, recommending strongly, suggesting, enforcing, providing, mentoring, and down right putting your foot down until you are blue.  You are shopping, procuring, paying for, driving, enrolling, supporting, clearing, washing, and cooking until you are exhausted.    Yet, you are also hugging, snuggling, watching with pride, giggling, feeling, and always loving and being loved.  

As a child you look to your mom on Mother's Day and know this day is all about her.  It is for her to relax and feel the love returned by her family.   Then the strangest thing happens... you have your own family.  Then what?  Who's day is it?  Is it about my Mom or is it about me....  Families all over the Mother's Day celebrating societies are all dealing with this very question and reacting in different ways.   

In my family my Husband is a 'Rock Star' on Mother's Day.  He takes care of all the stuff that needs to be done and clears the way for me to chill and just do what I like.  This year I started with flowers a new case for my iPad mini, and little hand made stuff from the boys.  Then I went to Hot Yoga where I thought about what this day means to me and my kids.  Got home and my husband greeted me with lunch ready to go.   

Later this afternoon the boys and I will go to a Rock and Lapidary Show while my husband gets a short bike ride. He is over 60 days in a row and working to keep the streak alive. As a family we will certainly take Teddy out for a nice walk and will have dinner at a favorite Chinese restaurant.    All is grand for me. 

Yet I live 910 miles from my Mom.  My Mom celebrated Mother's Day on Friday evening with the rest of the family.  My sister and her wife are up north trying to enjoy their Mother's Day in a family unit where there is two Mom's and thus it is even harder to pamper the other on this day.  

I can't be with my mom today which brings me some guilt and sadness.  Sadness because I miss her and wish to honor her.  Guilt because I get my day, uninterrupted and fully to myself.   I don't have to share.  My kids and husbands efforts and attentions are all mine.  

So to honor my Mom I dedicate this post and share these photos.  I say Thank You Lily Flacks for showing me so much love, adventure and beauty in the world. Thank you for always being there... and I mean always.  Thanks for never giving up on any of my dreams until I was ready to move on to something else, and then letting me move forward.  Thanks for being the best Safta my kids could ever have and for sending that same love and energy to my children as you have always done for me.  Know you are loved, appreciated and honored. 

Love the Missouri Clan.  


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