The guest instructor, Kim from yesterday's class, who was fantastic by the way, stated that the yoga class is your 80 moving meditation. You should use the entire time as a moving meditative process separate from all others in the class, focusing on you. Many instructors suggest you have a purpose in your head at the beginning of the class. What you are trying to focus on or accomplish. I decided to figure out why I was in a funk.
I figured it out during a break where I skipped the first flow. I had worked really hard on the standing series starting to grab lower on my leg to make a stronger bow. I realized that my funk is related to my oldest son Jordan. Jordan is turning 10 tomorrow along with me turning 44. We share a birthday and a heart. They say that once you are a parent your heart walks without you outside your body in these little children. They are right. So my funk is related to my Jordan's social concerns. I know kids can be mean and weak willed and easily succumbing to pressures seen and unseen.
Jordan is brilliant, funny, determined, small, cute and easily hurt by injustice. He brings a certain % of this on himself by his reactions to things. Yet he also is the victim of mean kids that enjoy getting him upset. I experienced this as a child as well so I know where he is at. Yet I also know with an adults mind and experiences that I am a better person today for everything I have experienced, giving me perspective, compassion, individuality, and courage.
I am planning Jordan's party for this weekend. I remember that feeling of wondering if people will come, who will show up, if it will be fun. Now as a parent I have those same concerns. Will the kids he likes come. He has some wonderful friends that always come through. They are not necessarily from his school. Will the school friends he admires come through?
Each school year we have to help the new administration and teachers know about the past relationships and goings on. Summer school is the start of that and I forgot. I did not take the time to meet with everyone and get the ground rules set up. He has a new principles, third time in four years, and new teacher.
My frustration was from feeling helpless to ease his way through this maze that is youth. So in the yoga class I realized all this. I accepted what was bugging me and I came to the realization that what I must do, is do as my parents did. Let him know how amazing he is and that we unconditionally love him for who he is. Help him with the glimpse that when you grow up and get through those tough growing up years, you get to create your own life and world without the people that bring you down and with those that you love.
This stage is hard and temporary. Jordan told me he asked his teacher if he could be moved to a new desk as the kids at his table are bugging him. His teacher told him no, that it was too late into summer school to make changes. Jordan said it might be good for him to learn how to ignore these kinds of people. It sounded like his teacher suggested that. Jordan went on to say that they don't do that many things at their desk and when they did have to work together to build a bridge it went well. He said he told them what to do and they all did it. I giggled at this knowing his love of physics.
While I see his point, I will be visiting the school tomorrow to bring cupcakes for his classroom. I will also stop by and give the new team a little background to help Jordan as I can. I guess I get to engage something uncomfortable and try to bring some balance to help that heart walking around in my almost 10 year old son's body. Happy Birthday Jordan.
Your son is lucky to have you!
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