"After class, I chat with my yoga teacher, who is slender. I tell her that recently, I learned that I have been deceiving myself. I told myself that I couldn't do certain postures because my fat is in the way. And then I tell her that I have been lying to myself -- there is no fat in the way. It's just my mind and my self-hate getting in the way. I am perfect in my practice. It is yoga practice and not yoga perfect, right?"
This is the final paragraph of her article "I feel like in those moments I can be grateful to have a body that is even capable of attempting yoga postures. I have a good body, a beautiful body, a body that I sometimes even love, that my husband loves, that keeps me healthy. And because of this yoga, I can stop fat-shaming myself, if only for a hot minute."
You see I just spent the last hour looking online for yoga modifications for poses that I have challenges with due to my round body. Short, big chested, babies got back, and legs. So there are some poses that are rather difficult. Forward folds, rabbit is next to impossible, pretty much any inverstion is not going to happen. I can see the headline, "Women found suffercated on yoga mat, not a mark on her or any signs of struggle." Getting forhead to knee might require surgery.
Now I know over time I have gotten so much better at every pose I have tried. I will get there and am where I need to be for my body now. But that does not mean I can't help myself along the way with a little education.
A friend of mine from my highschool days, who happens to be a yogi back home, reminded me that you need knowledge to back up your yoga enthusiasm. He is correct. You must always be the student even in the act of teaching. So I started to look. I found a youtube challenge called Curvy Yoga with some great modifciations. One was for Pigeon. I know that pigeon should be key for me but it does not give me the most effective feeling generally. Her video suggested an adjustment in the front leg which really makes room for the belly and allows me to actually feel the opening in the hip instead of the preasure on the knee. Thanks SJ for the wisdom.
I think it's amazing how at a certain point the physical becomes inextricable from the psychological...reading your posts, you seemed to have gained as much as you've lost, so to speak.
ReplyDeleteThis was very moving! Have a great time at Wakka. Trust me, your body probably needs the rest and the break and will come back to yoga stronger, happier and grateful.
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